Just how weird can it get?
by fishy379
Summary: What happens when llamas attack? Find out inside.
1. Chapter 1

Ch. 1 England

England was walking along the path the the north pole in the middle of June because he is very smart and does not want to freeze to death. It was a bright and sunny day, all was well as he glanced at the flowers all around. There were daisies and sunflowers all along the path and the sun shined brightly. Taking in the serenity of his surroundings, he began to hum to himself. Why he was here and what he was going to do when he got to the north pole? Well that is a very good question that not even England has an answer to.

Suddenly, someone... or something began to hum along with him. England was understandably startled, since no one else was dumb ahem smart enough to go to the north pole on foot, and he shouted a not so clam "WHAT THE FUCK?!". His eyes darted open, and to his surprise it was none other that his ex girlfriend! Staring him down with rage in her eyes, the llama charged toward him making enraged llama sounds.

England's eyes widened in disbelief to how she managed to pass through customs! After all he ditched her in Peru since she was pretty annoying and kept calling at 2am, asking for directions to the pizza place. Apparently she had come back for revenge and was armed with a sharpened sunflower, and charging towards him with rage filled eyes.

Instinctively, England reached down and picked up a mighty sword that just so happened to be there. The sunflower and the sward clashed many times before England's sword was shattered into a million tiny pieces. Backing away, he said "W-wait, l-lets, talk about th-" He was abruptly cut off as a sunflower pierced his heart, followed by the evil laugh of a pink, fluffy, llama. His giant eyebrows furrowed as he winced in pain.

Defeated, he could do nothing but hope she would leave. Which she didn't. Staring down at him she said "bwash hwass bwbqaaw", which is llama for "you are ugly and need to fix your eyebrows". England looked back with a blank expression, unable to speak since he had been stabbed. She proceeded to stab him 46 times with the sunflower and left his body to rot. Knowing she would get away with it because who would suspect a llama of a heinous crime such as this? Sure, her once fluffy pink fur was now stained crimson red with the blood of her enemy. But she could just say she was trying to get highlights but failed miserably.

A/N:

What was I thinking when I wrote this? No idea. I just tried to write the weirdest thing I could possible think of. There will be more weird af one shots to come!

Also, the writing and descriptions are purposely terrible.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Russia and Austria

A/N: I am pretty sure these two have nothing to do with each other, which is exactly why it's here! So without further ado...

The year is 36000. Earth is no more, and the only 2 countries that survived the llama apocalypse are Russia and Austria. With advanced technology, they made it to outer space! Only the best of countries made it to outer space, and by best I mean the first ones to get on the spaceship and ditch the others.

Austria awoke from his nap to the sound of an all too familiar banging on the 'door' of his space capsule. It of course was that scary Russian guy, Austria thought he may even be worse than Prussia. Sure Prussia was a lazy asshole, but at least he could rub it in Prussia's face that he was actually not so awesome to piss him off. But Russia's no fun at all. He sleep walks and has an innocent yet threatening demeanor. Plus Austria has the constant humiliation that he just so happened to leave earth with nothing but a tiger onesie. So, while Russia had a space suit and, clothes that didn't make him look like a total idiot, Austria was stuck in that stupid tiger onesie for the rest of eternity.

Not only was his tiger onesie stupid looking by day, but by night it magically transforms him into a tiger. This isn't your ordinary tiger either, this tiger is mentally abusive to anyone it meets, so it would just go to Russia, the only other living being and call him ugly all night long. The worst part of all is that he no longer has his piano and he can't boss anyone around. I mean the 2 things essential to being Austria are playing piano and being bossy!

This made Austria very sad and he went to , the tiger for advice on how to deal with spending an eternity with Russia.

Meanwhile, Russia went about his daily business, but he was very unhappy since there were no sunflowers, since the sun burned out. He was left with space flowers instead. They were just like sunflowers except shaped like aliens. Russia always yelled "WHAT THE FUCK?!" whenever Austria turned into Mr. McFlurry at night and floated around the spaceship rambling about how ugly Russia is. This made Russia made and he murdered with a spatula that he found. Unfortunately this was also Austria, so Russia is now alone with his alien flowers for all of eternity.

One more random note: I ran this through a word counter to see how long it is and apparently this is a 12th grade reading level…. I'm smort I swear…..


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: It's been a hot minute since I've updated this fic. Honestly I had no intention whatsoever of ever continuing, but I'm hella bored so lets go! PS nothing in here is accurate of history or makes any sense really but...

It was one week after Russia had violently murdered the tiger and the blood was still fresh because… well he was in space, in an enclosed capsule, and the moisture had nowhere to go. It was 0300 hours according to the clock he was keeping, since there aren't any time zones in space, but that's beside the point. He was suddenly jolted awake by flashing red lights and sirens. Russia jumped up and raised his hands above his head, instinctively remembering being arrested 420 times for smoking weed in moscow when he was eight years old. The sight of endless stars out the window and the bloody pool that was once Austria along with bright red flashing lights and error messages flooded his vision and he was slapped back into reality. That's right. The llamas took over the world about a month ago, after years of fighting in a mega alliance every nation eventually fell to the hooves of the mighty llamas.

Russia scanned his control panel of the spaceship, but it was really difficult to drive because it was that fool America's. He was bunking at his place for confidential reasons when the llamas finally overwhelmed the defenses, so he had no choice but to kick America in the nuts (like really hard) and steal his ride… which Austria just so happened to be hiding in. But he knew what O2 was, and according to the computer he had only 6 hours of oxygen remaining before he would die with the rest of the world. Russia closed his eyes and let out a sigh as a warm smile found itself on his frozen face. "Nothing to do but wait I guess?" He calmly stated to Austria's decaying body.

How did this happen?~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The year was 2010. Politics around the world weren't the best, but it sure as hell wasn't quite as bad as it was back in 1940, so America just sighed as he flicked on the news channel. "What's going wrong in the world today?" He wondered to himself. It was a long day of trying to explain how a superhero would be useful to help them out with global warming to someone as boring as Britain. But it was about to get a whole lot worse. The lady on TV had audible fear laced in her voice "There has been an outbreak of genetically modified llamas at a farm in Nebraska. The county has declared a state of emergency and the highways are blocked with millions of people evacuating…." America's eyes widened "w-what?! WHAT?! LLAMAS? Pffft that's the stupidest god damn thing I've ever heard. What kind of idiots run away from stupid fluffy llamas? Sure they can be dicks when they spit on your shirt, but…" he trailed off as his phone rang: it was his boss. "Yo , my oompa loompa homie, what dumb shit are you up to now? Can you hurry up and make it national free McDonalds day already? I'm-" He was interrupted by his leaders raspy voice, with the most awful jersey accent imagenable. "Yooooo Amuricah, These llamas, they're HUGE. The problem they're causing is even more HUGER. You gotta do something dude, or else I'll deport your sister!" he yelled sternly, leaving America confused because he did not happen to have a sister? Empty threat he presumed, but he was quite curious about the intense llama situation so he decided to call up Britain…

That's all for now. I'm lazy as hell, but I've decided to make my crack oneshot into a real story. So hopefully the hetalia fandom isn't totally dead and some poor soul will have gotten this far into my atrocious imagination.


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